Wednesday 28

Dear LORD, I feel most people have something they want to talk about. And if I give them the opening, they will share with me. Sortof.
LORD GOD, this is a strange existence. The heart pain I feel every day at the lose of my ex is so deep and long. When will it ease. It's not that I want to forget her, heck YOU know I want her back.It's just that I miss her so very much. Bumma.
Work was good. If I only had the money, I would travel and sleep-in. Not in that order.
Home from work, and cleaned the gutters, elevated porch plastic, pruned the grape and Wisteria. I even weakened, and put the wall heater on. Ow yeah, the smell of summer dust in the air.
Haven't had a coffee since last wednesday. Phew boy do I want one. Good for me though.
FATHER GOD look out for me. I so much want the touch of her. Help my heart and mind. Strengthen my soul. Lead me in YOUR ways. Cool, thank YOU JESUS. Protect my boys and their beautiful wives. Speak to her heart, and show her YOUR love. Me out.

Again

What I wouldn't give for another chance.

Ow the washings done.

And it is too. Betta go hang it out.

What am I to do today?

Well it's Anzac day holiday. Was going to You Yangs with GT, the person, not the bike. Lol. But he did a big ride yesterday, and is stuffed.
I'm washing the bed sheets. Haven't been done for over a year. Ow lol to that. Done my bible reading. Saul killed himself, David is king over the land, and has lots of wives. Damm, I just want one. DAMM DAMM. GOD is king over my heart. And that's a great thing.
Really want to find out what YOU want me to do LORD GOD. It's a pain this life of mine. To have had a beautiful wife and loose her, to have two wonderful boys, and have them grow up, leave home and get married. Good for them, hay don't get me wrong on this, but my life is empty and lonely at home. I really miss the intamacy of marriage. Ow sucks again to be me. lol.
Dear GOD talk to me so I can understand what YOU want of me. Please make it plain to me. Thanks for that.
Well me out for now. Ow yesterday I watched the sun set. Lovely sight. GOD it was weird to think that the whole world was turning, and not the sun moving. Then my oldest reminded me that we are not only turning, but moving through space as well. Ow deep he is.
Praying for him and A as they go 4x4ing with my niece and her family today. Please keep them safe dear LORD. Ta. Me out.

Tired

Yes I am. But none the less it was a good day. Still lonely, but such is life at this time. Short ride at the lake, and dinner at TGI's with my wonderful youngest, the Raja man, and Donza. Gonna sit with Mom in the morn as Dad is marching in the ANZAC day parade. Bless YOU LORD GOD, for YOU are good. Thanks for looking out for me my saviour JESUS. Bless all and have a night that is good. Me out.

Yo

Hey all. Well at the time of this post, that would be only me. Ow lol. Had a heck of a headache today. OUCH. Work was good, but left early. Poor head. Took JR to work. Home and had a really fantastic pizza. Ow yeah.
So how's your life? Mines good and bad. Still miss my ex soo very much, but my GOD is so very good to me. How do I know this? I feel it, sense it in my deepest most being. HE does look out for me, and I know without a doubt that HE loves you so very much too. Ow yeah.
It's nearly 10, and time for bed. Listening to Jars of Clay. Top stuff.
It's hard to put the things of this world aside, and just stop, listen, meditate, relax. That's the time GOD can easily tell me HE loves me and you.
It was a coffee free day today. Lots of teas though.
A pic of me and my exdislocated shoulder. NOW THAT HURT.
Bless you all, me out.

Time for a shower

And it is too. Back soon.

To ride, or not to ride?

Ah that is the question. Could go for a ride, but a bit depressed, and tired. Had a session at the Physio, and damm, she hurt a lot. OUCH. Lol. Still miss the ex so much. Sucks.
Praise GOD, bible school last night was really good. Had a heck of a storm during it , and some of the church got a bit flooded. Is that now like holy water, or what?

Note to self

Left a postit note on my desk, to remind me to blog. So here it is.

Dishpan hands

Up early and watered at MandDs. Then off to the Mix and washed dishes all day long. Fun, but real wrinkly hands. Got 100 for it. Didn't expect that. Tired. Visited GandK for a bit.
Man I still miss the ex, like soooo much. Thank YOU LORD for the time we had together. I just pray it would continue, somehow.
Didn't go to Micks bball gfinal. I just don't feel apart of them now. Miss them all very much though. Dammit.
Well, very tired. Thank YOU LORD GOD for this day. And please bless my sleep. Look after GandGdad. Taa. Me out.

The shower

I just gave birth to the biggest nose oyster in history. Even now my right nostril is still sore.

I just had a shave.

Yes I did.

Hello

Praise the LORD. How are you all? Ha, there's no-one there. lol to me. Good few days. The LORD my GOD is so good to me, that I sometimes miss the specialness of my relationship to HIM.
Still lonely and so in love with a lost one. Ow well. Mens group tonight was good. The need to pray so much more. And to just trust in JESUS. And to be bold, and faithful. We all have similar needs and desires.
Dear LORD FATHER GOD, use me for YOUR will, and Kingdom. Ow yeah. Bless my sleep, for the 4hours I will get. Ow I'm tired. lol
Dear GOD, I so miss sex, and intimacy. Sucks to be me. Just to have someone to care for, and to feel close to. Ow deary me, life still goes on. Love to you all. And if the LORD doesn't take me home tonight, then I will do this all again tomorrow. Me out.

And I woke up. lol

Well YOU woke me up again my LORD GOD, so I went out and lived this day. Work was good. A picture of one of my cleaners hiding at the top of the stairs. lol. And one of the many conferences by the very talented vacuums.
Had maccas with Judith, and Dee Dee, and Jenny. Clown food for a bunch of clowns. Doh.
Listening to Jethro Tull, Aqualung. Such memories.

2day

That was it. The day is done, and on the morrow I will be back at it. LORD take me home tonight, or use me...please. You know this life is really getting me down. I so miss my ex-wife, and seem so lost in life. The meaninglessness of my life now. I mean, what the heck and I doing here?
Bumma hey! Still GOD I know YOU are good and loving and in love with me. YOUR word tells me that, and I so believe it.
Again, still I am here, trying to cope with a broken heart, empty arms, and empty house. BUT I thank YOU for this day, and if it is YOUR heart for me.....for tomorrow also.
To anyone out there reading this.....g'day, and me out.

Up to now

Church was cool,,,praise GOD. Then to Fiji cafe in Dandy for lunch with Lawry and Jen. Ow it was hot. I will regret that later on tonight. But this too shall pass. Lol. Put a pair of trackypants on that I last wore when I was still married. Sucks. Found tissues in the pockets from those times. That is a bitch. I was still with her when I last had these on. I mean, what I wouldn't give to be back there then. But wouldn't the same thing happen to tear us apart. ? .
Life is strange at times, but in all this GOD is still good. Amen to that.
More later, and later more.

Off to church

I'm off to church

Missed friday

Forgot to blog yesterday. Big deal. Ha. Well it's early, and i'm off to water gardens in the rain. Go figure. lol. Still seeking my saviour for HIS will for me. Interesting . Then if it aint raining too much, I s'pose I will go for a ride. Loneliness is like a leech. Both can suck the life out of you. A quote from me by me to me for you. Me out.

What's the date?

Well another day has come and gone....goodbye day. Work was ok. Went to Lysty for a little ride. Trying to get some confidence back in drops. It'l happen. Dropped the Raja girl off at work. Bless her heart LORD. Had dinner at sisters house. Nieces B-day. 25yrs.
Fun night. My hearts still hurting, and it's a pain. Ow yeah.
You know LORD GOD, if YOU take me home tonight, that would be ok by me. But if YOU decide not to, then that's YOUR will, and that's good too.
Just use me LORD JESUS, for YOUR ways.
It's lonely, and quiet here. Miss the ex so much. Poo to that. Me out...

Wednesday 7

Well hello to this day. What happened? I'm still alive.....ow dah.... and still looking to GOD to show me the way. Had a physio appoint. owch to that. But sort of painfully fun. She's cute too, but if my boys read this,,,,then she isn't. lol
Saw exsil in gym, and she gave me the same look I sometimes got from the ex. Made me feel so strange, almost scared. Very weird. It's lonely here all alone and with no one else so I'm alone here. That sucks. Really want someone, but, such is where I'm at. Maybe for the rest of my life. Just can't imagine anyone else except the ex. That's my lot in life now I s'pose. DAMMM.
Not just a pretty face...no really...NOT. Ha to that. Ow well love to you all. Ow wait...there's no one there. Later. me out.

All alone now.

And then depression set in. I didn't think I could feel any more alone. Divorced, and still so very much in love with her. The boys married and gone. The neighbours just left for holidays. All alone. A man could cry, and I think I will. Dear GOD, this sucks so bad. I would rather be home with the LORD than live this life out. And yet here I am. Bumma.

Helllo

hello. Just saw the car of my dreams. Well not really. Ben and Angies new Suzuki. It's name is Benzuki. Cool.

My bike-A big wall

Why does my GT look so small against this Dam wall. BECAUSE IT IS!

Today

Well it's Sunday, and it's Moms birthday. Church for a little while, then off to Doyles for a brunch with M&D and sister and B'inlaw, and others. Will be fun.
Had a fun ride yesterday, but hurt my S. It's ok. Thanks for caring. lol.
Still really miss DJEW soo much. I hate being alone. It really sucks.
Got Mon, and Tues off. Sleep-in I think. Ride I think.
A prayer for today:
Dear LORD GOD, YOU made me and gave me life. Please use me today for what ever YOU want. I would rather be in heaven with YOU, than in this crappy place. Still here I am, so use me I pray. I wanna make people smile, and be happy. I think that is a really cool thing to do. Ow yeah. Thank YOU LORD JESUS.
It's Easter, and I remember YOUR sacrifice for me and all mankind. Thank YOU. Me out. Amen.
Well...off to do my shoulder exercises, and read the word for a while. Day light savings ended today. Me out.

4:26

Had a good time at Maroonda Dam today. Only rode 15kms, but fun. Sore shoulder. Very sad when I got to a spot on Condons track where years ago I took a photo of a friend of mine slowly riding up the hill behind me. She's no longer with us anymore. I miss you MT. You were so tough, and could always put me in my place with just a quick comment. It was a gift.
You should be in this picture! Dammit. I cried all the way to the turnaround.
Rode down the Rose steps. Lots of fun. So much so that I could feel all that fun in my L shoulder. Ow lol to me.

Good Friday

Well Ra has a family party to go to, so he can't ride. And GT just phoned, and he's sick, so he can't ride. What the heck am I gonna do?
Firstly thank the LORD for HIS sacrifice all those years ago. Which HE gave to the world to offer eternal life to all who come to HIM. Ow yeah, that is a cool deal. HE takes the pain, while we get the gain. Thanks again my saviour JESUS.
Breaky at Macca's, then of to Lysterfield for some MTBing.

5 days off.

Ow yeah, I've got 5 days off work, and I can sleep in. Praise GOD. LORD take me home tonight, or use me tomorrow. Either way, YOU are the ruler of my life, even though I don't act like YOU are. Give my heart rest dear LORD, and please show me what YOU want me to do with the rest off my life. I'm tired in heart, in head, in body. Time to sleep. I wonder if anyone will actually read this. lol. Dave out.

Poor Jen is sad.

Poor Jen is sad, Broken hearts are a bitch.