Home at last

What a weekend. Ow, and plus Monday. Drove to Taralgon to buy a big teddy bear for a friend at work who had a bubba on Thursday. But the shop was shut. Too bad. Went to disposals store and bought two pairs of gloves for camping, and a beanie.
Then to Rawson caravan park. It was raining like most of the time. I was praying and reading the Word, pushing into GOD to seek to find out what HE wants me to do with this life. Didn't ride today, cause I was going to sleep in the van, and wasn't going to share floor space with a muddy MTB. 
Went to the local for dinner. STEAK. 
Benny and Angie turned up and had a meal with me. They came all the way from Melb.Ben said he would be back in the morn to go deer hunting while I go MTBing.

A few shots of the van. It was so wet. And it rained all night long. 
But it was great to hear the rain on the roof of the bus.
In the morn, I tried to get signal on the mobile, but nogo. Was gonna tell Benny Boy not to bother coming back as it's tooooo wet. But he rocked up anyhow. He got all cammoed up, Loaded with bow and arrows, and off he headed into the bush,
I got all armoured up and slipped off down a hill on the bike, looking for mud and slush. Heaps of both around. 
Saw Ben on my way down to the Thomsom river.I had to push my bike up Mormon Town track, then along the old trail to Walhalla. 
Had a cuppa at the Grey Horse coffee shop. The lady wouldn't let me use the dunny there,as I was sort of covered in mud from head to foot. Ha. loved the mud. 
The skys opened up again, and it was pouring. Lol.to that.
Back to the Thomson Bridge, took a right, and started the 4km climb back to the caravan park. Met up with Benny on the way back. He didn't see any deer, [thank goodness], and we walked back to the park. He was picking leeches of himself. Had one between his front teeth. Yumm, tasty. Lol.
Moved into a cabin, so we showered and had a late lunch at the Rawson Inn. 
Ben left for home, and I started praying and trying to press into GOD. 
It seemed like I just couldn't hear from the LORD, and it was frustrating me. Just wanna hear what HE has for me. 
Any ideas?
Had a great nights sleep in the cabin. It was warm and dry. Outside it was cold and wet. 
Still listening for YOU LORD. I will not give up. 
In the morn, drove back to Walhalla, then of to Taralgon again. Ow yeah, the shop was open so I was able to get a real cute teddy bear for my friend. 
On way home went shopping at a small town. Got another beanie, [I think I collect them now] and a couple of real beaut tea cups. 
Home...and hour washing bike, clothes and me. 
And here I am. 
A prayer:;
LORD GOD talk to my heart and mind. Let me hear YOU dear JESUS.Thanks for a great weekend, and for keeping me safe, and for Ben and Ange getting home safe. 
Dear FATHER, lead me to YOUR will. Guide me tonight in my sleep.And if YOU choose to take me home to be with YOU tonight, then all the better for me. But if I wake tomorrow, then lead me for YOUR ways. Ow yeah LORD, to serve YOU. 
Amen. 


Well it's late. I'm tired, and I have work tomorrow. Bless all. 
Me out.

And away I go

Heading out in a minute. Maccas for breaky. Then it's me and the LORD, and my bike for the weekend. Ow, and I think I will throw in Monday as well. 

 Gotta get a camera . My phone one is low res. Doh. 
A prayer:
LORD GOD please keep me safe this weekend. I pray dear JESUS that YOU open the hearts of those I am going to come across these days away, and YOU soften them to YOUR word and to the message of salvation through YOUR glorious SON, JESUS CHRIST. 
Amen my lovely GOD.

Well after a quick pit stop at the porcelin, I'm outta here. 
Blessing to you all. 
Me out

Away

Well the weekend has finally arrived. You beaut. I've got Monday off, so decided to go away for a few days. Come on, give me a break, I haven't woken up somewhere else for a long time.
So half packed the van, [had to clean the bike][covered in mud n' dirt from Lysty,] finish off in the morn. 
Staying at Rawson caravan park. Sat night I will sleep in the van. And Sun,Ive got a cabin. 
Ow yeah....me ...my bike....and my bible. 
Really going to seek my JESUS these days. Just gotta get a hold on what HE wants me to do. 
Tell ya what, that movie I saw last night just blew me away. So much wanna do HIS will. To walk by faith in the Almighty. Ow yeah to that.
Praying for my family. For unity. For all of them,[and me] to desire GOD over anything else. Now that's a life well spent.
Will do a night ride if the weather holds out. Sorta gotta be careful, cause I will be up the sticks, and if I loose it there, it's a long wait for a train don't come. 
A prayer:
Dear JESUS, I ask YOU LORD GOD to move on my heart. To mold it to YOUR desire. 
I mean YOU are my creator, The Potter of my life. 
HOLY SPIRIT of GOD, keep me safe to do YOUR will. 
May my feet walk YOUR way. 
My hands do YOUR will. 
My ears listen to YOUR call. 
My eyes look YOUR way.
My mouth speak YOUR word.
My mind think YOUR truths. 
My heart cry for what moves YOU.  Amen dear Saviour.


Well nearly beddyby time. So bless you all. 
Me out.

Mens group

At mens group tonight, we watched a movie called, "Faith like Potatoes". Really touched my heart. And has stirred me on to pray for my family so much more. And to ask the LORD to break my heart of selfishness. Amen to that. 

Anyway, it's waaaay too late. Me out. 

Tonight in the dark

Had a really good ride tonight at the lake. Mud and slippery tree roots. Lol. Lots of fun. My phone takes terrible night shots, but here are just a couple of the real dangerous creatures to avoid. HA. There was a full moon above that killer of a T'shirt wearing Koala. 
Tried to get some Kangaroo pics, but they just hopped off. Funny bout that. 
Well off to beddy soon. Praise the LORD. Me out.

A winter wonderland

I so need to defrost my fridge. The door wouldn't close, and I had to break some plastic to shut it. 
Lazy, yes, but such is life in a depressed, divorced,dorks life. lol.
Anyway, charging up the battery to my lights so I can go for a night ride at Lysterfield. 
It will be cold. Ow yes, it will be cold. But I'm tough. Well at least that's the illusion I have. 
I thank YOU LORD for showing me what YOU want from me in this life. Keeping my eyes open for the call. 
Me out.

It's only 4:59

So far, been to work, watched a movie, exercised, lunched, showered, and yet to go to bible school. 
Work was good. One of my cleaners came back from New Zealand with lolly lais for me. Had a Kranski and cheese roll for lunch. Watched The Lovely Bones.....I cried. Did my shoulder execises. Washed todays dirt off my body. 
Tonight got part 3 of Holy Spirit doctrine.
Well might go rustle up some dinner
Not very exciting hey. 
Me out.

This day is done.

A day of stress, and prayer. 
Part of me can't wait till tomorrow night, when I know she will be heading back to NSW. Or I think she is. Another part of me who misses her so much just want's her back. 
Ow well. I'm on the carousel of life, just wondering if I'm on the right horse.  Hey I like that . Well, the saying, not the feeling. lol. 
Watching Earth Sea. Like this show. It's sort of cool. 
Wondering if I should slowly pull away from my two boys and their wives. As all the pain of being divorced and the hurt from that is taking it's toll on my heart so much. Such a horrible place to be. 
Todays prayer:
LORD GOD I so want to do YOUR will, and to walk in YOUR ways. LORD I pray to listen for YOUR voice, to look for YOUR direction for my life. I really want YOU to take me home to be with YOU, but if YOU don't want this for me yet, then I ask YOU  to guide me in this life. YOU know I'm not the sharpest tool on the shelf, so I ask YOU to please make YOUR  direction for me pretty obvious. Ta LORD JESUS. Trusting in YOU always. Amen. 

 Hay LORD sunrises are so beautiful. Just wanted to write that. 
Me out.
 Me and my babies.

And I thought I was fine?

Thought I was so getting over the X, when at church tismorn, my youngest told me she was in town till Tuesday. Ow yeah, I freaked. Well internally any way. SUCKS to still be in love.
You know LORD, I so wanna be over her. And yet I so don't.
A dicotamy of thought's. Um, maybe the wrong word. And spelt wrong. But deal that is big.
 Had a good MTB ride with Graham. Pushed it hard for a quick lap of the Blair Witch, the Comms track, and Buckle.
Now off to bed. Alone. Pathetic. Single. Miserable.
But on a lighter note, did you know that since I got the chest waxed, [damm that hurt], I don't get any belly button lint. Now that is amazing. Don't you think? Also think they ripped of one of my nipples. Ow that's not right. And I'm not Metrosexual, as my young friend Jen tells me. Lol.
Praise YOU LORD JESUS, use me tomorrow for YOUR kingdom cause. So glad YOU still love me.
There is a point where the Potter makes the clay just the way HE wants it to be. HE'S not wrong in this, cause basicly, HE is the one doing the creating.

Me out.

How many?

I just realized that I have never counted the teeth in my mouth. I mean, I'm 50 years old, and in all those years, and all that teeth cleaning, I have never once counted my teeth. I really don't know how many there are.
I got no baby teeth left. Woo yeah ... long gone.
My four wisdom teeth got pulled out by my uncle. [Um, he was a dentist.] [So that's cool.]
Wisdom teeth. Ow that's rich. I think my wisdom left with em. Ow I digress.
The bottom molar on the left has long gone. Lost that up at Atherton on the Tablelands. But that's another story. Well not really a story. Boring actually. 
The one next to that had root canal surgery, and a nice cap put on top. Now there was 2.500bucks I could have spent on chocolate and lollies. 
Right front got head butted in half by my old Kung fu instuctor. He just got the hit in a split second before me. There I was spitting out blood and bits of pearly white enamel on the floor, and all he said was, KEEP FIGHTING. 
Now that's capped. And been hanging in there for over 20years. Pretty good hey!
So now I just sit here. Drinking my herbal tea, with maple syrup shooters. Not counting my teeth, but leaving it a mystery for the ages.   Me out.

Fennel tea

I sit here with my Fennel tea,
wondering bout the man I'll be.
With graying hair, or bald to see.
What has my LORD GOD planned for me?

Max

Just saw a photo of my dog Max. Had to get him put down last year. He was in lots of pain. But he was the best dog ever. Miss ya buddy. Me out.

Jelly ghost

Well it sort of looks like a ghost. Maybe. 

The saying goes...."How do you take revenge on a ghost."

And she did

You invaded my soul
   and you stole my heart

A PLACE

There is a place that needs to be found by every man.

Past the pain - beyond the pleasure.

A place where he will ask
    'Who am I?"
"No, I mean WHO AM I REALLY?"


If everything was to be stripped away
removed
     emptied
         gone


If all that is left is the man


" Who will I be?"

 

BREATHING A BREATH

Have you ever wanted to just throw your hands in the air?
To say, "That's it. Ive had enough. You win."

Have you ever felt like not breathing?
I don't mean to hold your breath.

But to not want to breathe, 
to not bother, to let go.

Have you been there?

IN HAPPY TIMES

In happy times
did I pray this much?
did I care this deeply? 
did I desire so fully?

HOPE

Wrote this and other stuff on my lounge room wall. Weeks after the women I love walked out on me. 


When hope has all but disappeared
will love someday follow?

Will it continue to burn?
Will it be just an echo of happier times?

Without hope, this house cannot stand.
Without hope, breath fades away.
Without hope, I am drawn to the hopeful. 
To the JESUS of my salvation.
To the rock of my life. 

PAIN

Pain of the flesh weakens the body, and over time drains the will.

Pain of the heart is so much deeper
So sore
So harsh
So crippling.

Like someone has stolen everything in the house-
it's cold
   empty
      hollow
         dead.
Pain of the heart can feel like
a slow draining of
           -life-
 Dripping out
   dripping away.

I hold my chest
I cannot stop the flow
It's leaving me-

Did I own it at all?
was it ever mine?

It's leaving me
the darkness want's to fill the void.

It's leaving me
where is my hope?

Where is my god?
my christ? 
my jesus?

Life- desire- will
seem like old friends.
They wave farewell,
they walk of into the fog.

A mist shrouds there form
and another want's to take their place.

He is cruel- been waiting for years.

WHERE IS MY CHRIST?
HE is here
HE never left
HE never gave up
HE always is

HE is my GOD
and HIS name is

LORD JESUS CHRIST.
                                        Amen.

Sad day at the Mix

Slept in. Off to church, which was OK. Glad CHRIST my lord is not dependent on me being in a spiritually hyped up mood. Ha, HE was and is and forever will be lord over me. No matter what.
After church, me and Jen went to Macca's, then dropped her off home. So then me to Lysterfield for a short ride with Graham, before a sad farewell to Rob at the shop. 
Will really miss him. He helped me on my journey through divorce. You know how certain people make a diff. in life. Well he was one of those who is a friend and mate. 
All these feelings of aloneness crept in this arvo. So miss my exwife. YOU know LORD GOD, I so want her back. It's strange, cause I know HE has, and does hear my prayers. And yet from my veiwpoint nothing seems to be happening. BUT I still believe, and always will. 
Work on the morrow. Will try to get a ride in after that. Ow yeah, that would be cool. So much track building to be done. But so little time. Gun club sooo needs a prune.  
Tired, so time for bed. You know.....the will of GOD will always win out. I mean, it is HIS creation that I have been placed into. HE is the author and is sovereign. Ow, and I am HIS creation too. 
Um, so I spose that's it, till the next fun filled thrill packed episode. Ow lol to that. 
Anyho.. me out.

Hills

Hay anyone. Big day. Up and to Macca's for breaky. Picked up GT and then to Lysty for a ride with the guys. Big hills, and lots of em. Ow the pain. Robs second last day at the Mix,, so sort of sad hey. Home. Picked up DeeDee from work, and dropped her off at a party. Then to a pub at Doveton for Robs farewell. Had a really bad cramp in my L hammy while there. NOW THAT HURT HEAPS. Home all tucked out. 
Church in the morn, praise YOU LORD, then back to the Mix for Robs last day there. I think he will be pretty hung over. lol. 
Dear JESUS, please look after Rob and Amanda, and there two beautiful girls. Ta LORD. 

Cool, that's all me out
 

Fridaynite.so there..no here

Another day has come and past.
I sit here typing, not so fast.
And wonder, will rhyme even last.
......nup.....

Ow yeah. Me no poet, and I know it. 
Why do I even bother. lol.
Well today was good. But ow so tired yet again. Work...ok... Has muffins hot outta the oven from the Den. Ow that's the stuff. Apple and cinnamen. Nice. 
Later had coffee with Karren and Nic. So I had tea.  Wonder how I got any work done. Ha. 
Saw the Phsio. Shoulder doing well. Will trash it tomorrow on the MTB. 
Had a sleep at M and D's. Then mowed there lawn. 
Home via video shop and BBQ chook joint. 
Went through a sad few hours. Loneliness is a hard taskmaster at times, but my GOD is so good to me. You know I wanna thank YOU LORD JESUS for letting me feel the love YOU have for me. So cool. 
Well the washing load is now hanging all over the lounge room, gotta do my teeth, then it's off to dreamland. 
Did I say I was tired? 
Up early, then off to visit the clown for some breaky before hitting the hills at Lysterfield. 
See all later. Ok, so there's no-one there. But there could be. Ow lol to that. 
Me out.

So tired

Ow yeah. I am so tired. Great night at men's group. Then Macca's. Now off to bed. Bye all. Me out.

Wednesday on my mind

Ok now, today was done and dusted. Not much to say though. Work was good. But man did it rain, and it was cold as. That will teach me for getting my top half waxed. You know that still hurts. Brazilian me.....NO WAY MAN. 
Praying in the shower, which by the way I liked better when I had a hairy back[it just felt normal then],and I just want a def. word from GOD as to what I'm to do with this life, and about my ex. and stuff. And I get the distinct impression that I am to seek my first love, which is not the ex, but the LORD JESUS CHRIST. 
To all you non christian types out there, this is not a weird thing, but a seeking after a relationship with the very one who created me. 
It's wanting the company of the one who is/ should be the most important thing in my life. 
Um...and that's more important than a physical relationship with another human. But leads to a desire to be with people, to love them and help them, and show them my GOD JESUS.
Still want a wife to have and hold, and love, and care for. Ow well, GOD knows all this. And I complain about it enough. Doh. Such is the adventures of me. 
And on a lighter note, I had bread roll, and cheese crackers, and Homus, and dbl. Brie for tea. Now that was beeeeeeaaautiful. 
Me out.

Now that was close

Ha, An old pic of when I had a branch stick into my face, while riding down Mt. Saint leonards at Hillsville. Came flying down the hill after this at 60kph, with blood oozing cross my face. So cool.

the pain

Good day at work. Then off to get a wax. Well heck, it was one of the things on my Bucket list. How do women get this done all the time? It hurts a lot. I mean a LOT. My shoulders, back, arms, and chest. It felt like my nipples were getting ripped off. It was half price tuesday, so it only cost me 48bucks. That didn't make it hurt any less. lol. Took young Jen to counceling. Me to Bible school. First of 3 weeks on FAITH. Ow yeah, GOD YOU are really good. Faith is such a wonderful thing. 
Anyhow, very tired, sore, and cool. Wonder how much weight I lost through hair lose? lol LORD please look after my boys and their beautiful wives. Please take care of the ex, and talk to her heart. And let me sleep tonight. This hair loss is so weird.
Me out.

Mothers day the end

Yeah, that was it. Had a fun day, but busy. Arvo tea was great. Lots of yelling kids. lol. Dinner at K and G's. Bennny boy and Angie were there. Home late. Tired. Me out.

Mother Day so far

Up at 7. Did my strengthening exercises for the ex-disclocated shoulder. Put a load of washing on. Breaky and read the word for half hour. Washed and lubed the MTB.[ What a mess from yesterdays ride]. Picked up flowers for mom. Picked up Maccas for M and D. Off to see Mumma. She loved the flowers, lol, i'm back in the will. Saw me brother and nephew and niece. Off to church where my baby was. Ok he's 21, married, and all growed up. Home for lunch. Now of to Eltham north to another nieces, for Mothers day afternoon tea. Damm, it's only 12.42, and I'm stuffed. lol
Thank YOU LORD for this top day. Dear GOD, I feel sorry for my two boys that they wont see their mom for mothers day. I hope they contact her. Please bless her dear JESUS. I miss her. 

Anyhow, her I go into the wide blue yonder. Me out.

Ow yeah

This day needs a diff. font. Um yeah. Well had a busy day behind the broom. Meetings and time sheets, and tea and cake, and seeing Mom n Dad. Shopping and cooking stirfry. Ow that was some good veggies.
Life sometimes looks like the last few sheets of a toilet roll. Or like a cloud that you can't quite make out what it looks like.
Track building day at Lysterfield tomorrow. I wanna ride, but berm building is still cool. Then I get to ride it, crash and burn. lol 
I still so miss contact, and estrogen in the house. Still that's the way it is. 
Doh
 Thoughts are running a two different levels.
What's on the surface, and what swims around just below that.
But what lurks deep down under there?
Way down where sunlight and hope don't reach.
Where dreams of fear move silently and thickly. 
Where I don't want to journey.
Where I don't want to go.
Where I can feel the coldness of death, and decay. 
Ow GOD, I think I need chocolate.....NOW.

Hay that was like my first attempt at a Blog poem. Ha lol to that. 
Anyhow, I need sleep. Breaky at Maccas in the morn, with my mates. Sugar me clown boy. Ha. Me out.

Not much to say

So I wont say much. Um? Quiet day. Lunch at Lysty. Didn't ride. What a wimp. That's about it. See you tomorrow.

Number One

Ow yeah. This is so hard to see. lol. I think it's time to change this. That's better. After work, just hung out at home. Watched Sherlock Holmes while munching away on a cheese Kranskie. Read and listened to the book of Romans this arvo. Fantastic word. LORD YOU spell out salvation so well there.
Dear GOD, help me to seek deeper into YOU and YOUR ways. LORD JESUS, help me to do YOUR will, and to be a light to this dead and sinful world. Hay YOU know I would rather not be here, but in Heaven with YOU. Still YOU decide to wake me up every morning. One day YOU will not. And on that day, I will rejoice in YOUR presence. Praise YOU always.
Loneliness is such a horrible experience, still that is where I am at the moment. I so miss contact. I so miss the ex. I so miss coffee, I so miss chocolate. Lol. I'm an idiot.
A very nice pie and Earl Gray tea I had at Walhalla a few months ago. Lol.
Bless you all. Me out

Warm and cold.

And that was today. Nice morning, but a foul arvo. Such as life is. Sometimes you feel good, and then in a short time it all goes south. Just how I feel now. Hay LORD, this life sucks at the moment. Just want it to turn a corner, or head on home. Bumma hey. Bible school was good, but I'm tired. Really miss the ex, STILL.
It's weird to think this way, cause I know that YOU LORD JESUS are for me, and want the best for me. It's just so hard and life is so lonely now. Really miss physical contact. Damm I need a hug. Ow lol to be me. The tragic tale of a love sick romantic. Should write a book. lol. Anyho, me out.

Also

Also had a day last week at work, where I felt like, well, like my tshirt was on back to front. You know the feeling. Sort of there, but not quite right. Weird hey. Me out.

Lost weight the other day

At work last week, and had the need to blow my nose. What happened was the biggest thing to come out of my face. I thought my brains had vacated home base. Felt lightheaded, and sure there was major weight lose. Um, maybe Jenny Craig could harness this idea. Me out.

SUNDAY

Well I'm off to church in a min. GOD is good to me. I know I say that a lot, but it is true. Sometimes I have to say this to myself to remind me of HIS goodness. And other times it's just pours out of me like a stream. Even when I look at my life, with all it's heart pain and stuff, I am soooo reassured of HIS love for me, and the ever presence of the most wonderful HOLY SPIRIT. G'day HOLY SPIRIT, I so often forget to talk to YOU.
Will see you all later. Me out.

Lot to say

Got a lot to say, but spent hrs. getting rid of a virus that naughtied my comp. Bumma. See you later. Praise the LORD. HE is soooo good. Amen and me out.